日剧跑！！！

 Episode 4 - the one where Asou-kun sprints for love (Jk)

This is one of my favorite episodes just because of the scene in the zoo, when the music Konayuki kicks in ahhhhhh all the feels!

Anyway here we go:

- Aya starting to lose her basketball skills... sad :'(

- Dr. Mizuno keeps talking about meds- what meds exactly? I'm not really aware of any meds that are used to treat SCA... 

- rehab makes sense

- Aya and senpai, for a second there, are kinda cute together! 

- the girl who likes Asou-kun is actually really pretty, she's like a model! It's so cute that she came to the hospital to see Aya.

- to this day I always wince when I watch the fireworks scene where she falls. That looks SUPER painful.

- so sad what happened to Asou's brother. Tragic accident. Watching his parents cry and Asou looking on made me tear up. I can't imagine what that's like as the sibling left behind. Craving your parents' love and attention, and at the same time guilty for being the one still alive. I want to give Asou a hug!

- I love love love the scene where Aya jokes to Asou about her disease, the callback to their earlier interaction! It's sad because we all know what she has but it's also a little funny and cuteeeee. Also, the way Asou smiles at her, boy you got it bad!

- I wanna punch the senpai's friend 

- it's sobering, the way the older basketball team members talk about Aya, like they're gossiping and maybe even making fun of her. Everyone else in the drama is so loving and kind, you sometimes forget there are assholes in life. But there totally are. 

- OK KONAYUKI SONG when that guitar starts strumming you just know it's going to be amazing

- I love watching Asou run!!!

- He is totally in love with Aya at this point, but doesn't know it yet! Look at him running like there's no tomorrow because he cares that she'll be sad or disappointed or lonely because he wants to be there for her gahhhhhhhh

- Asou, who doesn't give a damn about people since his brother died! (or so he thinks)

- the umbrella scene is SO GOOD! Look how he doesn't even mind he's drenched in the rain! He ONLY CARES ABOUT HER!

- the penguin story!!! trying to cheer her up/distract her!!!! but the penguin story is so symbolic! ASOU YOU'RE THE DADDY PENGUIN!!! 

- And Aya!!! she tells him about her disease for real! THIS IS THE FIRST PERSON SHE TELLS, other than her parents who already know!!! SHE TRUSTS ASOU!!!

Favorite scene: no question about it. The zoo, the rain, the penguins, the umbrella, everything.

Close runner-up: none, I really can't think of one, the zoo scene just stands out too much!

1 Litre of Tears (Ep3)

Now the waterworks begin.

I can't stand watching Aya's parents cry. Especially her dad. He's such a goofball but his eyes are so full of genuine emotion, I can't.

...

Last episode was Asou's brother's first appearance, but we see more of him in this one. I really love this character too even if he only shows up in a few flashbacks. He's got some nice quotes. "I love animals, but I love humans more." He's a doctor for the right reasons. I'm more like that random guy at the anniversary service who gets called out by Asou... >.>

...

Dr. Mizuno is so freaking handsome. He's too young and good-looking. They shouldn't have picked this actor because I get confused when I watch the scene with him and Aya. I almost start thinking this is a typical love triangle drama.

...

Another episode where I feel SO bad for Ako. Come on! If I were her, I'd run away from home. She's so misunderstood! I just want to give her a big hug.

I sure hope the mom apologized to Ako!!!

...

Aya and Asou - their "fight" scene is so good. It's such an important one! Before this, Asou starts to thinks of Aya as a nice girl who also likes stray dogs, maybe a friend. But it's AFTER this scene - when she cries and gets angry at him for saying that stuff about life and death - when she asks him, "Will you really not care if your friend or loved one die?" (so sad knowing what's to come) - THIS is when he really sees her under a different light. She's not just a classmate. She's someone dealing with some powerful and dark emotions. She's in pain. Asou's in pain all this time too, mourning the loss of his brother. That's why he gravitates towards her.

I must praise Sawajiri Erika's acting in this scene!!! 

And I love how a few scenes later he's like "YOU'RE the weird one." It's so adorably childish. They're really just teenagers!

Favorite scene: the singing competition at the end - so memorable, so iconic

Close runner-up: when Asou's dad asks him, "are you dating her?" I know he's asking cuz he's worried his son is involved with a sick girl, but the awkwardness of this scene just made me laugh

1 Litre of Tears (Ep 2)

Episode 2

Her mom goes through all the denial... 😢

Like last episode, I thought the diagnosis seemed a little too rushed, but maybe there were parts they didn't show on-screen (like bloodwork, LP, genetic testing - if that was a thing back then). 

It's understandable that her mom would want to seek out a second opinion. That first doctor she went to find a second opinion was awful, though. He basically was like "yeah spinocerebellar degeneration? Straightforward diagnosis." WTF. 

Also, wow, is this just how Japanese healthcare works - her mom was able to make an appointment with the O.G. neurologist in the field like late in the evening, presumably outside his regular office hours? Seriously impressive.

I have conflicted thoughts about the fact that her parents kept her from her diagnosis for so long.

On one hand, I get it, her parents are so worried what it's going to do to her psychologically. How DO you explain this to your teenaged child? They're old enough to understand the implications of what an incurable disease means. They also don't have a fully developed frontal lobe yet so like, how will they process this? 

The western perspective has always been one where we, as providers, feel the patient deserves to know the truth, all about patient autonomy, etc. So maybe it has biased me. But imagining myself in Aya's shoes, I think it's also really, really hard to decide if I would want to know or not.

If you don't know what's coming, you can live in blissful ignorance.

But it'll be stressful still, not knowing what's going on when you do sense things are off. Not having closure, not having that certainty.

I think ultimately, I would want to know, even if it's really painful. Because you'd have some kind of preparation, emotionally, for what's to come. And like that doctor says, you need time to process and accept something like this, and that's one thing you won't have on your side. Time.

But I'm sure once I know, I'll have thoughts like, "I wish I didn't know."

Sigh.

This episode was really hard to watch.

"Why Aya?"

I don't know, why bad things happen to some people. They just do.

...

The only little tidbits of fluff and warmth that can buffer the pain in this episode - adorable doggo, Asou-kun and Aya grow closer, protective Aya's dad with his hilarious expressions.

On a side note, poor Ako (the sister). She obviously feels that her parents are playing favoritism. She's jealous and hurt. Little does she know what's lying ahead for Aya and the whole family. Ako's one of my favorite characters in this show and I already remember that the turning point of her arc will hit me so hard in a few more episodes.

Also - is this the first time we hear Sangatsu Kokonoka?? ♥♥♥

Favorite scene: Aya's dad's reaction when she brings Asou home

                                                    

                                                        literally his face

Close runner-up: Aya's reaction when she's talking to the doggo about her crush and Asou sneaks up on her and she's like... I'm outta here 😂😂 so relatable

1 Litre of Tears rewatch (ep 1)

 

1 Litre no Namida (2005)

Rewatching possibly one of the best TV dramas in my opinion. This left such a strong impression on me growing up. Not gonna lie, it may have had some influence on me ultimately choosing my career path, but obviously you'll never catch me admitting this in an interview 😝

Episode 1 - ""The Beginning of my Youth"

I'm just enraptured by the warmth of this drama. Her family is so loving and colorful. Love how they quickly and smoothly introduced us to Aya, the eldest daughter, responsible, smart, kind, pretty, the "perfect child" "perfect student" like her younger sister so grudgingly calls her. She had it all going for her. Which makes the story so heartbreaking.

Her mother is a physical therapist (?) - I didn't notice this on my first watch. That makes sense that she would have been the first to notice the symptoms, then, because she's not only a mother, she's also in the medical field. 

I'm impressed how much attention to detail the makers of the drama paid to her disease - during the examination with the neurologist, they even got the nystagmus and saccadic intrusions right! The finger to nose dysmetria! So good!

My only critique is the diagnosis happened a little too fast- one MRI? No labs? No spinal tap? The doctor just took a look at her and the shrinkage of her cerebellum and decided it was the neurodegenerative form? 

(Also wow, not only did they get to see the neurologist without a wait time, the MRI brain happened the SAME VISIT! Is it really how things be in Japan???)

And, lastly, I have to gush about Nikishido Ryo's character - our totally emo/punkish/rebel male lead. I'm all about character developments and he has one of the most beautiful character arcs. As well as his relationship with Aya.

"Enemies to friends" trope here - sort of. He's a jerk to her at the beginning, but he's a good kid at heart. Or he'd never have offered to take her to the school on his bike! Awwww.

She's put off by his reaction when she tries to thank him. She has a terrible opinion of him, hahaha. Yeah, he does seem like a weirdo.

(He had GUNS on his bedroom wall, like WTF?! lmao... thank god for Aya, I'm scared to think how he would've turned out otherwise)

Aya's little speech at the end - I get a little cringe watching this, can you imagine if she tried to say this in an American high school, she'd get crushed. But it's a sweet and inspiring little speech and because it's a warm and gentle drama with warm and gentle people (for the most part), she wins over her classmates. Awwww.

Favorite scene: any scene with her family in it, especially her dad

Close runner-up: the scene with her and Asou-kun at the hospital. It's the first time they really talk outside of class!

This thanksgiving I binged on...

Tbh I only watched this because I ran out of Black Mirror episodes to watch. I guess also because I have two friends at school absolutely obsessed with this show. So I gave it a chance.

And my verdict is: not bad (I mean, I did feverishly finish 18 episodes in the span of 3 days).

Its major flaw is probably that the stories and characters are "too perfect."

The reason why I love The Wire, Black Mirror so freaking much is their "rawness" and "ugliness" which is always refreshing. Too many TV shows play it safe, making things cute and happy and all that which is definitely fine if it's a comedy (like Modern Family, Friends, 30 Rock- my big loves as well) but when it's supposed to be a realistic drama... that's where it can fall as a bit corny and cliche.

This is Us veers on that line between heartfelt and cheesy just slightly. Mostly it still stays in the realm of heartfelt, warm, loving drama about family-marriage-life-death, all that goodness. It certainly does a good job of making you care about the characters (I have sobbed like a baby at a couple episodes), and *ahem* making you keep watching (one of my irritations in fact, explained below). By the end of S1 though it started to feel a bit dry (although, I still can't stop thinking about it and hence this post...)

I confess I ran out of time and patience around episode ~14 or so. I started doing that thing where I skip forward just to watch the bits that interest me (*covers face* not proud of it). I started getting obsessed with just finding out one thing...

SPOILER ALERT 

Musings while bored at work

"You can have either a negative or positive outlook, and it won't change the results. What it does change is the experience."

This is a quote I heard recently from a story told on one of the Moth podcasts. It's from a lady who was in remission for breast cancer and got pregnant. Even though I'm not in a scenario anywhere close to that, this quote really stuck with me, and I feel like I needed to hear it.

I love analyzing myself, especially picking out all the stuff that's wrong with me. Obviously low self-esteem is one of them - I know, I need to work on that, once I'm done obsessing over all the other character flaws. Maybe related to the low self-confidence, I don't know - a problem I recently realized I have is that I'm so, damn, insecure.

It's so ironic because a lot of people tell me I'm so easygoing, so cheerful all the time, and how they envy me. Ha. Wait till they get inside my head.

I worry and I get super anxious about some things that I can't foresee in my future. It's usually about the things I dread that will happen, and the things I really want to happen, but I'm so scared to hope for because I'm even more frightened of disappointment.

There's 2 types of people. There's the control freak - they plan out everything in their lives and they're so naive and sure of themselves, that nothing will go wrong as long as they do everything in their plan. Then when something goes wrong, it's awful and hits them like a slap in the face, but at the very least they weren't miserable for the whole time leading up to that event.

Then there's the "go with the flow" hippie person who knows you can't control everything and that's exactly why they're also on their guard and chewing down their nails the whole time. Then when something goes wrong, they still get let down in the end even though they told themselves they saw it coming.

I would choose to be the first type in a heartbeat. But I'm the latter.

Usually, people who act like me are people who have been hurt or traumatized at some point, and so they've built this armor and don't trust anything - not God, not other people, not themselves. I've never gone through anything like that, though. I led a sheltered, protected life. Strangers have never hurt me, my parents have never hurt me, my friends have never hurt me, my boyfriend--- Except I didn't have one until now.

That's exactly why I am scared, maybe. Because I've never lost someone in that sense before, to a break-up. I'm so afraid of being "heartbroken."

Back before I had a boyfriend, I was afraid of getting into a relationship. I would be the most passive person in the WORLD when it came to a member of the opposite sex. If I was interested in him, or had a crush on him, or even liked him to the point of daydreaming about a future together - yes I'm that creepy - I would never, ever make the first move. Or make a move at all. I'd take my secret to the grave, or less dramatically said, I'd wait till enough time passed and I moved on. That, from my experiences, either meant I turned down the guy despite actually liking him (yes, facepalm), and/or, he got a girlfriend. Yup.

I guess it's a miracle then that some remarkably thick-skinned guy barged his way into my world, and I was able to open up just that LITTLE bit to get close to him. And I should be happy. I should be content at last, because something I've been terrified of for a really long time - both terrified of and secretly yearning for - finally happened. I shouldn't have anything else to worry about, right?

WRONG.

Now it's just new worries. Are we right for each other? Will we stay together after blah-blah-blah happens? Where will we be, a year from now, two years from now, three? Will we be able to last through long-distance? Will "fate" keep us together or break us apart?

I really do think my anxiety in part has to come from my overactive imagination. I am *so* imaginative. It lets me pass the time standing in line without resorting a smartphone - I just switch on my mind. It gives me awesome dreams at night that unfold like soap operas and feature films. It gets me absorbed in the books I read and the movies I watch, so much that I'm laughing and sobbing from one minute to the next. But, when it comes to projecting futures that get me either immediately hopeful or crushed, my imagination sucks.

You'd think: isn't it better to have low expectations, and then be surprised when hey, it turns out to be not that bad? Like when I thought I got an 80 on this test but I actually got a 93. Or I thought that movie is gonna suck, but I leave the theater just amazed and giddy. Happy surprise feels loads better than cold disappointment right? So isn't it ALWAYS better to have low expectations?

But I don't know. I think the quote really does have a point. Why expect something bad to happen when it hasn't happened yet? What difference does it make? Whatever happens will happen. But dreading about it just ruins the days leading up to it.

I've never realized before how brave people going into relationships are. I mean, it's a fairly common thing, people dating other people. I never realized how much of a risk it is - you pour in a lot of hope and expectations and feelings, and you might come out with hurt and disappointment and nothing.

Welcome to life, I guess.

I know I gotta try, to not look so far in the future - because I already KNOW that won't change anything. I gotta live in the present, and just focus on what I have right now, not what I can potentially lose.

And I also need to learn how to accept losses and disappointments better. I'm still so much of a kid in that sense. I need to grow up. Sigh.

Films of 2016 (that I can remember)

I'm starting to think it's a good idea for me to keep track of all the movies I watch. 'Cause I always blank out when people ask me about what films I like...

On the pursuit of Hirokazu Koreeda 

Maboroshi no Hikari (1995)

Wanted to watch this for Esumi Makiko, and was not disappointed. However, definitely on the artsy side (think Su-ki-da, Kids Return): quiet and long, still shots (lots of them!), very little dialogue, very little action. Showing, not telling. But it's so beautiful. It plays out like an Impressionist painting with the natural light and wide landscape shots. Poignant, beautiful themes too that sort of haunt you afterwards. Oh! And the music. I'm very tempted to buy the soundtrack since I can't find it anywhere online. A very special film.

Still Walking/Aruitemo, aruitemo (2008)

I liked this less than Maboroshi, but I still liked it. There were some parts that made me bored but then a few parts that unexpectedly made me cry (the scene with the butterfly made me straight-up put my head down and sob.) Again, not much in terms of a plot, but it's a really nice realistic portrayal of a family. Shadows of a ghost lingering in all their hearts, some things go unsaid. Beautiful soundtrack as well. As always, I love Abe Hiroshi.

After Life (1998)

I heard all the rave about this one but I actually didn't like it as much as the other 2. Maybe it's the interview style and the set. All of it pretty much takes place in one boring building, so aesthetically it isn't as pleasing. I also didn't really understand the "climatic" scene with the character's epiphany. Ah well, I tried. Still give points for originality and theme. A bunch of the actors and stories here weren't actually scripted but real people and their stories. I think I cried in this too, but not from a scene that you'd think.

In addition to these I've seen Nobody Knows and Like Father, Like Son :) So that's 5 checked off the list of Hirokazu Koreeda! 

On my to-watch list: Air Doll, I Wish (Miracle), After the Storm

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Les Actions

Hateful Eight (2015)

What a crazy movie. I don't think this was my favorite from Tarantino (can't beat Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs or Kill Bill) but it was still good old entertainment, although on the long side. I rooted for Samuel Jackson even though he played an asshole in this movie. (I think that's the point, all of them are assholes). I wish I'd seen this in theater though for the special film quality.

To-watch list from Tarantino: Jackie Brown

Sword of the Stranger (2007)

I was really skeptical going into this movie because the name of it sounds like a dumb stereotypical samurai anime. But I was surprised at how much I loved it! Tight editing, good pacing, BEAUTIFUL soundtrack (I downloaded this one straight away), and actually really impressive animation. Not on the level of Satoshi Kon ingenuity or anything but this movie was solid. I even watched it twice. I'm so upset at myself that I never knew about this movie. Oh right, BEST part is the fight choreo. Beats most of the newer kung fu movies I've seen.

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Les (Other) Anime

Your Name (2016)

Well there was SUCH a fuss made over this movie. And ok, I did like it, even though I totally dislike Makoto Shinkai's other works (I find them sappy, with poor writing and only pretty pictures to carry the film). This one was greatly improved in writing and plot. Some twists I didn't see coming. As always, it IS gorgeous animation in that super-polished, almost CGI-smooth way. But guess what, Makoto Shinkai is still a sappy romantic and this showed. Call me bitter but I still don't see why he's being compared to Hayao Miyazaki (hello? not even close!) while no one knows who Satoshi Kon is. Excuuuse me? Satoshi Kon, always the daring mastermind who actually pushed boundaries! Sigh. Congrats to Shinkai, he's made lots of moolah with this one.

A Letter to Momo (2011)

Aww, now this was an anime film to remember!! I have never heard of this director or this movie, but I randomly got it from the library and watched it on the Greyhound. Adorable, touching, funny little story. The animation is VERY nice, like quirky and charming. I loved Momo's character and her freaky friends. That one scene made me seriously tear up too. This was so offbeat and unique and perfect to my taste. Perfect! Just perfect.

Memories (1995)

Obviously by now you should know I'm obsessed with Satoshi Kon. I think he's one of the MOST underrated anime directors ever. This one he didn't direct, but he wrote and animated. It's a collection of 3 short films: Stink Bomb, Magnolia Rose, Cannon Fodder. Stink Bomb was my favorite; just downright entertaining and hilarious. Magnolia Rose was an interesting, sort-of-tragic sci-fi. Cannon Fodder was a steam-punk dystopian kind of thing, he had a crazy animation style for that. These aren't as classic as his long features (Paprika, Perfect Blue, Millennium Actress, Tokyo Godfathers) but still do Satoshi Kon justice. Recommend!!!!! (Wow, I've actually seen ALL of the films he's directed now... )

On my to-watch list: The Boy and the Beast, Summer Wars.

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Movies I actually saw in theater...

Arrival (2016)

I wanted to watch this film MONTHS before its release. I was so worried I wouldn't catch this in theater (like I'd missed Kubo and My Name is Not Madame Bovary). Buuuut, luckily I got to watch this! And came away satisfied, although not blown away - but still pretty happy. I always like my plot twists and this one was a thought-provoking one. The cinematography and music ambience were great. My major beef is the Mandarin (or what they tried to pass off as Mandarin). Geez, either train Amy Adams so that her Mandarin is decipherable or get someone to dub her. 

Fantastic Beasts (2016)

Now being a Harry Potter fan I was gonna watch it but I wasn't expecting much. I mean, clearly this was a highly commercialized Hollywood film with its usual gimmicks. But I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it. Eddie Redmayne was adorable but actually it's the guy who played Jacob who stole my heart! All the scenes with him made me laugh my arse off. I'm still kind of annoyed at the ending (can Ezra Miller just never catch a break?) but overall, this was quite good for a commercial flick. The sequels are probably gonna drag and suck, but just based on this one, I might give them a chance.

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My return to Miyazaki Aoi craze

Harmful Insect (2001)

I might have seen this already in high school, but I rewatched it recently. I just love coming-of-age stories whether books or films. Plus Miyazaki Aoi was so young and fresh in this. This is before she moved into doing more commercial and mainstream films. I liked this a lot despite the weird jumps the film seems to do and the parts that don't make too much sense. But I guess the director just wants you to try to interpret on your own. It's not the best film cinematography and there's barely a soundtrack, but the writing is good. I like raw, stark realism, muhahaha. 

If cats disappeared from the world (2016)

... this was a waste of my 2 hours, honestly. It's your typical man-is-dying so reflection-on-life mandatory tearjerker. Aoi's role is super one-dimensional, and she does her Oscar-crying scene but I was just like, um, why are you even crying?!! So lame. I DID cry, but it was for the friend in the film shop and then the part with his mom and dad. Psshhh. Movies like this so do not impress me. I guess this was adapted from a novel, and the novel probably was just so stupid you can't fault the director... Meh...

My SO has got depression (2011)

Um... so this was recommended to me from a friend but I don't even know if I should put it here since I technically didn't even FINISH it. It was that bad. Alright, it wasn't terrible and I get what they're trying to do. But the way they went about it was so... cutesy and fluffy. Doesn't seem realistic enough for depression at all. Aoi's role is again, pretty substandard. She's a cute housewife who lurves her hubby. Yawn. Ok, so I didn't even get to the climax (if there is one) so maybe I'm not being fair. Will probably finish this movie when I take the Greyhound again later this week.

To-watch list: Vancouver Asashi, A Chorus of Angels.